A LONG AND DARK TUNNEL
A LONG AND DARK TUNNEL
Is usual that on my days i often dont know exactlly wich day i am living, Sundays aren,t different of other days, i also never count them but since more than ten days i do count the days like it never will come back again.
All started with a little caugh, that extended to a headache, and body pain, all this to tell me that something wrong was going on, few hours later i,ve got into a very very long and dark tunnel.
Fever climbed till 41, fear chassed any wish of living, solitude invaded me, i tried hard to believe that it only be momentarilly, but not long later my friends bought me to the hospital for so many exams, all this translated on money value is the salary of more than twoo months for one teacher here.
Then, the results, mallaria again, salmonella, thifoide fever, and something on the lungs that still didn,t have name to describe it, although this man that we use to call doctor, he didn,t even look at me, and he precrived me all the drugs that i guess he knew, mad , sick and unhappy i left, but my friends said to me, thanks God that you are still here, me i looked aoround and i realise that God he abandon this continent long time ago..
On my pain i was laying with hope, hours pass difficultlly, and fever climb and climb, it was already 3 days of one average or more than 40 of fever, but finally august 2ond, a strong pain made me breack the bead shits, my lungs didn,t want to deliver more fresh air, and alone and with all my desesperation i went back mentally on my days, like the ones that abandon itself at he,s past, i saw life passing like things with out sense pass, and i understood that there is anything more beautiful that the things that we never had, just thoughts !!!.
But at 3 oclock in the morning, they tooked me in urgence to the central hospital, a deteriorate and disgusting place where nobody wants to go, but i have no choice my body was already far from me , i had memories how uselles and frustrating was the battle against the doctors in Mozambique when we tried to save Halima,s life, i felt uselles too, but finally they abandoned me in one, cold and dirty sad room, a rooten plastic bed, full of ticks, and coacraches, shared it with me, a piece of rock was the holding door at the same time used as a chair, just outside the smell of one real garbage tip, my neighbours where shouting of agony, and me little by little was giving up under the drugs effect.
I have to say that to arrive till there, i had to pass so sad experiences that i want to forget, yes my dears this is Afrika, this continent that dies because of ilnesses, salubrity lack of real doctors or hospitals, and of course a big lack of respect, here only those that can afford to pay the medecines, got a small chance, but for those that cannot pay, there journey is a trip with out retourn ticket.
Me today, i am lucky that i can explain it, but i have to accept that sometimes i was so affraid, so desperate, but again life is so wonderful that put me in the hands of the doctor Deni,s a humble person that looks forward in the future, and health is more important than money, he treats me everyday like hes own son, he also prays for me eventhough he knows that i am not a believer, he pulled me out of this hole, he changed the wrong drugs, and he asked me excuses for all it happend to me in this hospital, he felt ashamed to see me there, in this place where anybodi wish to spend even one second.
Denis helps me to go forward in this tunnel, he injects me the drugs in my legs, because my hands and arms havent any more veins with out holes, but slowlly i am recovering, i do recover the sensibility, the love, the pasion for fighting, even if i have to stay a bit in bed.
peoples here are next to me, they come everyday day to visite me, they do it in silence, is very strange but doesn,t bother me at all, but there is another thing that really makes my days, this are Jessica,s calls, eventhough some people close to her dont like it, but far from it those calls fill me up with life, make me cry, make me realise that there is still lots to do, lot to fight.
But now i am tired, phisically tired, but also tired of all this injustice, of all this garbage, all this abandon, all this fear in this continent.
I am covering the end of this tunnel, that ones that one day i thought i would never make it, but today because of all those that make me understand that i have to keep going , in this little project, yes it,s true just grains of sand but in the end of the they those are the pillars of any mountain, this is how i succed to be strong, on my worst moments, also of course with the huge help of the doctor Denis.
I look ahead me and i can see happy all those that i love, i can see those that are not here anymore, and also those poor people in this country that dies before even getting into those disgusting hospitals, those places that we go there wishing help, and they offer us more pain.
Everyday , my light is more shiny, your smiles arrive to me smothlly, my legs manages to walk some hundreds of metters, my head seams to think clearly, my dreams are in llife again, and another explosion of joy, Jessica,s called me again, i am feelin so sad to worry her, but also sad to not have the chance to do more for those that suffer in this world, but also at the same time i feel a huge UNGER against all those governants that walk their bellies avoidind the reality, and stilling the liberty of the others.
Congo, isn,t better or worst of another Afrikan country, but life has less value than one mandioca plate, and where the only cheap medicine is the sadnness of praying, Congo is another of those Afrikan countries , where living sourounded of garbage , ilnesses and misery is a common thing, wile the rich people lives in one Congo a part, the ones that try to ticklelish Europe no metter how many lifes this could cost.
I see the end of this long tunnel, when i am realising that i have spend more than 10 days suffering, halucinating, dreaming, fighting to go further, i also tried to touch the moon , even when i couldn,t even see it, tognight it was full moon , and it seamed to me extaordinay beautiful, i can leasten my heart again !!!.
Oh life, Yesterday i had another sad news, my uncle Claudi, brother of my mum died, he died of one of those illness that shouldn,t never exist, from here i,ll send to the familly all the strenght to understand, life is so wonderful, but doesn,t belong to us, rest in peace uncle Claudi..
Is usual on my days that i never know wich day it is,this time i wont forget, so many thing happened, and ill fight to spit hapinness, to shout justice, and hoping that my next words will be full of joy, i am getting off this tunnel remembering a sentence of Antonio Flores, a spanish singer death of overdose,”If i could erase all i saw, i will never doubt to laugh again”.
Excuse me if i take the liberty to ask you to not worry, i am feeling better, and as soon my body recovers ill return to caresse those red lands of this gorgeous continent, eventhough if it travels in one dirty carriage full of shadows, and bitter lifes.
A VERY LONG AND DARK TUNNEL..
HEALTH AND GOOD JOURNEY, NANDO.