SADNESS

Along our journey we usually experience different feelings and sensations that often make us having lots of reflections, we pass by people that can really get deeply into our hearts.

In one ordinary social life this can happen too, but in this kind of life that I have chosen to live those experiences are the engine that gives us the strength to keep going in this trip to the death that life.

Myself along all those years on the road, I have learned to not thinking much about all of this, I am not often doing a balance of my past times, I always try my best to learn from all the happiness, all the pain , all the good companies, sadness.

But this past year my life has been divided between my reality and one lovely dream, I have left South Africa, long ago looking at the future with a dream in my hand, a dream that I will have to fight and carry for long very long 14 more month to making it true.

I have tried to keep in good life among all those difficult and wonderful tracks, that Africa offer to all of us, I have left there with a dream in my hand and I have left proudly my heart there.

This dream has kept me standing up right for fighting against the sadness, against the anxiety, to not having the chance to help much more those in need, but even though Gambada, kept offering as muches hope as it could, and grow little by little, and this pain and this solitude weren a reason for me to always look back to find yearn, this dream gave me the wings to fly through the days.

SADNESS IS THE PAIN OF HAVE HAD SOMEBODY.

We human being, built our own tracks, our own pains, and at the same we create our responsibilities with passion, accepting impossible challenges, but we accept them with entire faith.

In this real Africa, the ones with the big deep forests, the ones with the big tyrants, the ones with the river with no end, and the ones with the invulnerable solitude, everything is depending on love and this passion that makes us believe that dreams are still possible, but today here I am 14 very long month later, dreaming in something that will never happen, with this fake smile, like the summer with out sun.

At the same time seeing those that are able to show their rage when there is no risk to take, then the reasons will come along and ill make this pain slow and more painful, Sadness.

I have left my heart in South Africa for a dream with a pretty name, tackling again and like always the roads of the not known, but Gambada kept smiling, because in this job of scaping of the death, we cant be very complicated, we have to show that life continues, and this is the most difficult, the lie..

This year showed me again the sadness, the pain as much that sometimes I have even think that somebody was making me witchcraft although I dont believe in anything like this, so this dream gave me all I needed.

But suddenly one of the pillars started to break down, the weakness and the fear to loose, the fear to get so close to the end of this trip witch is the death came to me , another brain malaria hit me till dark non welcomed places into my mind, but the help of good Samaritans and that dream putted me away from this, but not long later a very good friend, Ken had died of brain malaria in Camerun, this made my agony longer, and I also think that this helped to open wide the doors of the real fear, but I have tried to be happy, and push every day strongly.

Next step, Nigeria was waiting me with all its darker side, and offered me and for free the chance of a feeling that ill ever forget, the cold feeling of a gun in my skin, in those moments when your thoughts go so fast that you cant recognize anything, I saw the sadness and the injustice in this lovely continent, and I discovered a huge value of having the chance to touch again those that I love so much, I saw Jess, I saw this dream , I saw Joan Marc, that they are so important for me, that I felt so vulnerable that I almost have accepted , that was the end, but during all this mess in my head, a solution came to my rescue, and the guns and those bloody people disappeared because of the presence of some people around, fuck I am saying now with out fear, but when I was there, I almost literally shit on me, I wet myself and I cried.

But this wasn all, another day a car hited me just for the pleasure of it, with the result of a broken wrist etc etc , that made my future month changing plans, I felt so sad to not having the chance to share tracks with people, and I felt and I am still feeling cross to not be able to ride for more than 3 month already, but Gambada, by walk, by motorcycle , by car or bus kept offering hope to those in need, and this obviously because of your help too.

And this is how I have arrived to Mauritania where I am actually now, a famous country now because of their kidnappings, and seeing the scare faces of all those bloody withe people from international organisations doing nothing, Mauritania for me is a very safe and quiet country, people are friendly, and as usual they also have those that have power that always forget their real misery, what a sadness.

But this time for me was time of huge happiness because I have meet again, Youssef, Agnies, Sarah, Nadia,and Alexander, the Khedir family, the ones that become my family in Uganda almost 4 years ago, and life put us together again, I said of them wile I was there , that they had a heart bigger that the huge Victoria lake, I was wrong, there are not words to express their gratitude to me, and if it was enough to them allow me to say, that I feel like their real son , they will make me very happy.

And this is how among , happiness , sadness, good and bad memories , I have put all this past year in a balance for one dream with a name, now I can already more or less writing with not much pain, and id like to take advantage for apologise of all the problems with my web site, I hope that my web master hell find a way very soon.

And now here writing this looking and smelling the desert, id like with your permission to dedicate this chronicle to this dream that has a lovely name, unfortunately devasting me to know that this dream will never happen, so ill try to escape of all this anxiety that doesnt allow me to look forward, to believe, but at the same time id like to shout that I feel so proud to have done what I did , and what I am doing, I am also happy to feel loved and to love, till the point that I have gave my heart, you may think why? Well, that dream with name, gives me life, gives me wish to fight, and event hough is gone, ill promised myself to take it with me what ever I will go, just in case one day life put our tracks together again, I really deeply wish it.

In this world, some people we will die in the last moment, believing and fighting, for those dreams , for hope, for a better world,, and others they will prepare their death many years before with out taking any risk, those for me are the unhappiest and sad people on this lovely earth.

SADNESS

HEALTH AND GOOD JOURNEY, NANDO.