And after some days of supposed rest in this beautiful city of Cuenca, I have abandoned it with a lung pneumonia and lots of fantasies in each city corner, roads had the same color for me, and myself I was looking here and there to find those looks that make us dream, the same looks that we don´t need neither paper or ink to express them and on top of it those talk about keep fighting.
We headed deep into those places where the world looks like more human, those places where my lungs shouted you better learn Nando.
We kept going for those tracks full of questions, full of difficult circumstances, lots of hills that claim all the strength you could have, and this pain that cause nightmares only to think that I may have to follow some rules, in a mean time I assume the silence although I don’t travel alone this is my only solitude.
But our journeys have always those tricks that make us change, one of the past nights while I was sleeping on the floor of the Saraguro´s fire station, rain made me move, for my big surprise I couldn´t, my knee had forgotten its movement, also its strength…
What it came next, I can only say like this, it was the worst of the pains that I had lately, the left leg biceps said stop, me I didn´t, and this is how with my stubbornness I have left crying at each pedal stroke, I kept fighting till Loja´s city to try to find a doctor, Marie´s & Johann’s, looked at me without knowing what to do, their inside cou-cou was dumb, I do understand their wish to help me but…
Nando´s must be crazy I am sure they though, meanwhile in my inside I was thinking thanks to you to be here. Anyway isn´t my best moment,Silvia´s,Salva´s, Toribio´s and many others they scolded me from the distance, meanwhile I was thinking about all the life give to us and the little that we really learn.
In Loja´s city doctor told me to rest, he checked me; he said what he was thinking and he asked me 28 dollars. Next day without listening the doc I’ve asked Marie´s and Johann´s to leave, I wanted to arrive to Vilcabamba the valley of the longevity, only at 30 miles from there but with two hills full of knives waiting for my bounded legs, the two Suisse kept impassive without me let them helping me, but again their company was my only fuel.
But finally we got to Vilcabamaba, the pain for sure was inevitable, but I am sure that the suffering it´s optional for me, it´s I know, because I am sure that further there it´s much more to see, and I am sure that then, all the pain memories would be only learned lessons, and with them I have to be happy of myself, and also I am sure that with all those days full of disenchantment I will find some advantages, the same ones that will give enough time to recover the happiness that I won’t have.
There are already in my memories the past cold early mornings, here in Vicabamaba city the valley of the longevity, the calm it´s the main thing, and the sun warms up till the incertitude, but from here I would like to close the page of all I have lived since I am sick, although this dry cough and the bounded knee told me that they are here.
I can´t and I don´t want to forget, it will be asking too much I guess, I want to live again what I had live but with much more intensity, I want to let the last strength after every tear for making each moment my moment, to be honest I would like to have many of those moment till the point that I wouldn´t have time to remember them.
Yes, I did cry of pain, but after all those years I have also cried of anger of seeing all I’ve seen and lived, but this also helped me to learn how to cry till forget and recover again the smile.
Be sure that all of this it wouldn´t be possible without you all, without all those kids, without those experiences that make my life how it´s and obey with the wonderful gratitude that the pilgrim receives, this anarchy that we don´t born with, the same anarchy that isn´t made for those that doesn´t like the pain neither the effort to see all those things that too often we all try to avoid.
Each pedal stroke on this terrible hills design an inexpressive gesture in my face, I tried to limited the emotions but my tears I guess designed ugly expressions on me.
But we arrived to this valley, a place that I am sure it will allow me to survive again, raise my wings to the sky, choose other paths and feel that there’s nothing wrong on changing my actual feelings to keep living again like I would love to.
I will keep looking towards the high mountains, I will keep sharing my days with those two Suisse, that the only thing Suisse that they have left it´s their passport, that makes me happy that they also are able to see another world, maybe better if it´s possible, and the same time, they don´t allow the bad roots grow among our tracks of friendship, I am happy for them, and I do appreciate their presence.
To see the excellence of those poor people’s that make things without finding reasons to show that they aren´t possible. With passion and pain I will leave this valley towards another country, there I will look for new illusions, I will take with me the shadows of the forgiveness, and my memory it will be like the bird that never forget it´s nest, or like those slaves that never hide the love towards their said history.
This is my history too, even though so many times I don´t know how to say what I am feeling, even if I am sure that for writing there are two rules, having something to say, and saying it, easy, isn´t?
Well for me isn´t, even though I always spit in letter what I think, it´s like exaggerate my own strength to discover my own debilities.
I close the eyes, and my memories are full of firecrackers, from it all the beauty lights of those lived moments, that I am sure they will be the best surgery for my lungs, and my bounded legs, all those peoples that made and will make me feel the warm in its maximum expression, and for this I have to thank you a lot, and then I only have left the worry of getting out there and find a lovely spot in this world and keep fighting.
In the valley of the “longevity” where myth and realities warm together the secret of all those old people aged of more than 100 years old, walking peacefully along the cobbled streets of this little Vilcabamba town, some say that it´s because the water, others say, because the food, others…
Anyway I will have to get drunk of this water just in case, but yesterday I have talked with the old Pedro´s, 87 years old, he sells coffee on a shade corner, I’ve asked to him, Pedro´s, do you drink lots of water?, he told me, listen my son I really do prefer the wine, what the hell! Pedro´s you have broken all my expectative, LOL.
I will look around those tracks that will bring me till the junctions, there I will take the less busy, and I am sure that will make so many differences, I will live in a way that won’t be only a try, I won´t close the eyes to the dirtiness and for sure I will never ignore the starvation, you may think that I am naïve, you think whatever you want because unfortunately seeing and living all this misery and this dirtiness made that for me I still have many reason to live.
I will keep dreaming without transforming my dreams in escapes, I will feel deep inside my, meanwhile those that feel other things enjoy the falseness and the hypocrisy that wraps our day by day on our journey´s.
I will walk there are not many tracks, and this I may can leave a print for one day maybe somebody better than me could make some more differences.
It´s 2.579 days that I’ve left my comfort zone, I did because when those difficult hills, the poverty the injustices and… let me an silly face of surprise without any expression, I still could say thanks to the live and all of you that blow fresh air into my back in silence, Thanks to all of you to make my life worth living, and allow me that my track are my decisions, not a sentence.
HEALTH AND GOOD JOURNEY, NANDO.