Along our lives mostly of us we build in our intimacy a history from all the years that we had passed through, we all work hard to understand our own times, all those moments, peoples or objects that had contribute somehow to change our lives.
In this chronicle, if I will actually follow the patterns that I have been doing for more than 2000 days, I will have to explain my last times, but… This time I won’t do like this, there are so many personal things, to intense, to painful, to unfair, so I will stay only with the sad injustices that happened to me lately, and of course with my fight for this life, because in the end of the day this is what it makes it…
The Rivers. Those that always go forward, those that take and bring constantly so many things, good and bad of course! Like to me, that again brought me those “legendary stupid” that are the thief, they brought them till my own bed while I was sleeping pour me a kind of gas, and cowardly still me everything.
What a sensation this one of awaking alone and so naked, smelling this strong smell that it looks like a constant insult, letting you seeing all your wishes falling into a sac full of holes.
What I do have left? Life of course!, and this is how with an unafraid calm, I will try to irradiate all the kinds of acceptations, I will even though all those unexpected, unnecessary and free pain, even for me today´s difficult to say what I am feeling…
The Rivers. Something destroyed me deeply that day when the music stopped, this is why I think that with a fan and flamenco music I should keep going ahead, or like Serrat sang one day “our footprint are the track, there´s no track, the steps are made when we walk, and if we look back we only see this path that we never have to take again”.
I will keep fulfilling my minutes with tones of reasons to breathe, even though here I am” my life” between silence and voice, with a feigned smile, here I am dreaming about something that will never happen.
Lately I am remembering Africa so much, I can see all those simply people trying to see their life’s trough those miserable gardens without any optimism, that even any which doctor would be that stupid for asking them any success, to any of both… I am looking back, not so far in time and I can only see an empty space, in there before it was a bridge, today´s all burned down…even though I will keep saying or spiting my words, I’ll do it like always did without spare in forms. This is why “my life” that when I saw you I knew that was true and at the same time I had discover that fear of knowing me exposed. But I will let me go, because I am so close to the end, this place where everything starts again, and in my thoughts I am saying “you also can do wrong things or hurt, but don’t give up Nando, it´s worth to wait, to believe”. And in this messy life life of love or facts, I am confusing sorrow and forgiveness “my life “at your place I went, but you weren’t there.
I will keep going without measuring my words, the same ones that not even guns can shut up, even if sometimes I believe that a simply look would be enough for….
I will save my sorrow and I will stone it, and I will sleep again with the moon, and awaking with the sun.
The Rivers. Anyway I keep learning and learning, I have learned now that when you play a game showing in purpose your game, for sure that the only thing it could happen is that you´ll lose. Lately I also had the strength to curse my destiny, but I will try to be happy, I will, far from those that so easily say, don´t worry, take care, I’ll be fine etc. etc. But I am not fine, even if my pain it´s the happiness of some others, and the reward for others, anyway! Enjoy it? Truth there’s only ones… Some of them are those that only have the value of love or friendship according how many mistakes or wrong thing we all do.
Oh Man! Being happy? I guess it´s having the maturity of saying “I was wrong”, the audacity of asking “sorry “and at the same time the capacity of asking for “help”.
The Rivers. I´ll keep going, I’ll accepting, looking for, even if so many times I only find desolation and fake promises, I will because even today life´s it´s the flow with the time.
I won´t let the words break anything that I feel, I will keep being faithful to you “ my life “even though sometimes the journey it´s too long holding the breathe, I’ll keep being out there, far very far from those high walls of the routine, cowardly and comfort , I will make mistakes one and millions of times but I am sure that I will find those reasonable people that will know how to accept apologizes.
Today I saw the day rise looking at the ocean and in its mirror and with crystal eyes I could see a game, I have lined in the wet sand and I could hear siren songs …when I awake up the strong heat doesn´t go away and I feel that I am drowning in my own sweet.
I will forget those “legendary stupid” that thief are, I will because I can still breathe, and in the end of the day the material it´s insignificant, especially if we are able to see the real pain or the huge injustices that happen out there.
I will draw hearts in the air with the red of your lipstick, and with crying that strangle throats I will shout… Now it´s impossible for me to talk about the past or the future without wrinkle the forehead, I’ll find your face with my hands; I had offered you the last puff of my heart. “My life”.
So, for now my words end here in this chapter the ones that shouldn´t never exist. I will keep faithful of my curiosity.
And the rivers will keep flowing like they always do the rivers…
HEALTH AND GOOD JOURNEY NANDO
WITH OUT ANY RISK, THERE IS NO GLORY.
p:s:Sorry becouse i dont have pictures after the robery( i´ll ho have some soon) i added this song that one day in my dream , and impossible hope for one more chance i had dance with somebody that she´s not there among us anymore.