I’ve left Guayma´s with lots of wishes, with happiness,I have left behind the colorful carnival, the Cortés sea and all those people that makes travelling worth it, even though sometimes the scenery isn’t that wonderful.
Going along the edge of the sea, my first encounter was with local fisher mans, they trow their nets to the luck, this luck that sometimes it´s just to be able to eat the next meal, and other times if they are really lucky they may can sell the fish and make some money.
Guzman´s a Sonoran man with burned skin because of the sun and lots of hours looking at the sea waters talled me, this country is ” Sucks “,but fishing is at least much more humble than killing or stilling.
My way down to Sinaloa estate was full of that so often we stumble in our life, again and again, this way has also other obstacles, it´s just full of police check points, and more check points, and in the end of the day you also feel that bit of insecurity.
But for me i have to say that almost everybody i passed by, they never doubted to share a smile with me, but this wasn’t enough, and i did stumble, and my right knee said “NO MORE” , this helplessness to pedal, and getting where i wanted to go, made me feel weird in one place where you don’t suppose to be alone.
Lately, along those roads, they had lots of “balaceras”, murders like here they say, against drug dealers,the only thing you should do it´s not being there when this happen, nobody trust in nobody, but even though the sky was real blue, but for me all seamed so grey, everything passed inside my head, and then we only can see those unreal images that we want to make them real just for our purposes.
And when this bloody rock leaves you stuck in there pushing, swearing and limping, all the signal alerts comes to you, all the options that we should mesure, this diagnosis of what we have, like we where the best of the doctors, the ones that we are not, of course!.
Then we remember the loved ones, we would love to talk to them but they aren’t there, and the only reality it´s you there pushing and struggling to walk.
In one of my many stops, i have realised that even here in Mexico thing happen for a reason, further behind a car stopped, i went ther asking for help,Jose´s Luis the owner stared at me from toes to head and said, do you believe in God?in my surprise he said again, you may , because today´s it´s your lucky day, because the only thing it would happened to you if you stay here alone, it will be being robbed or kill, and he helped me to load the bicycle on hes truck.
And with that kind of guilty feeling that we people have when we travel like this, it´s like we were cheating, but the pain and the yearn made me accept any king of guilty, and i did realise how weak humans we can be some times.
Seeing Halima´s on the back of the truck and trying to withstand the pain, i thought about love, that ones that is always to faraway, and then i just had to confirm myself that we live our poor or magnificent feelings, and if we hurt any of those, it´s like turn off another bright star in our dark ways.
This is how i arrived to El Fuerte, a little pretty town full of colour and friendly people, also the place that opens the doors to the north mountains where i´d like to head next
That we stumble again and again, made me understand that with out time we cant live because with it we hand the best and the worst moments of our life’s, then one image came to my mind,a little fishing boat move away and leaving a wake on the sea drawing hearts on the water.
But this pain paralyse me, i shouted loud inside me, stop to deceive ourselves, because we are our only cause, our sadness, our love, our pain, and in my solitude a wandering music roam into my ears during those quiet hours that precede the sunset, a memory of tenderness blow up my lips, i am humane today´s isn’t a good day for me.
From there i went to Pto Vallarta, to pay a visit to a Catalan friend, and taking advantage of resting a bit, but even here in this little paradise i stumble on dark ways and worry, that today doesn’t allow me to find the words of inspiration.
I know that i have to be patient, strong and dogged at the same time, i really know it´s worth it…
Today was a sad afternoon, my eyelid drink cry, and i hang out my passion to a big empty, this is how i do feel now, EMPTY..
I bite on the wound of the pain, trying to find a simple happiness, it´s one of those days that i would like to write that i am happy, but i cant, i´ll like to share it with the loved ones, but they aren’t here, also sharing with those that follow me, those that want to know what i am doing, how i am feeling, what i am seeing, those that somehow my dream is also their dream.
But today i do feel lost, and this doesn’t allow me to breath, i feel the air escapes from me and nothing can make my realities come trough.
Today´s with a bit of luck, on the quietness of the night fleeting glowworm maybe will light a bit of needing light for me,while they dance upon the wind.
And again i stumble on my thoughts, and i am traveling like a sail boat with out any direction, leaving this world with out really wanting it.
Suddenly a wave hit hard the rocks and a voice whispered me, FIGHT,you may loose yes, but the ones that never fight already lost, so in this moment i guess i´ll keep staying like this, like not so many people do, just looking for those real dreams in my life.
Today i felt again on the same rock, the same pain even though the day raised up very sunny and full of innocence, just light seamed far to me.
Yes i am also humane, far very far from those that think that i am an adventurer and waiting for me to explain my great achievements, yes, it´s true that i do live differently, it´s also true that sometimes isn’t easy, but it´s also very true that living like this, many times makes you much more humane, this is why today i have to accept that i have looked for a shoulder to Lin on,the ears that listen to me, and that look that may understand me,but unfortunately everything looks so far.
SUCKS!,I am sure that there´s a world with out rocks, but i am also sure that it would be very very expensive, anyway i think that we have to stop to invent lies and smile the truth, i am humane.
THE MOST TERRIBLE OF THE FEELINGS IT´S HAVING A LOST HOPE.
HEALTH AND GOOD JOURNEY, NANDO.