As I always said life it’s just moments, and for me it would be a huge insult to waste it with sad moments, it’s true that March 31 left its mark with journeys in the air, full of doubts, sadness’s, deep empties … even though I am still alive, full of hope, I really am, even if sometimes my thrills and my dreams seams to drown when I see that I can’t get it, although day by day I am realizing that it always will be there.
March 31 I have cried because I couldn’t find you, because everything seemed too far for me, I have cried because I couldn’t give you life when my own keeps enlightening it , but… how to go back on time? Luckily we can’t find the way to do it, but we can smile instead, we can, although so often everything looks like in a grey color, “Sucks and unfair” when my best color it’s the green ones, quiet a selfish thought I could say when the biggest unfair thing could be all these girls and boys dying every day by starving… or all these atrocities that political people do while playing at their invented wars, real anyway, and all the other things that we don’t know or simply we don’t won’t to know.
Me, I just want to smile, like this pushing away the loneliness from the silence, laughing when I listen the words of loved people… this is why, even if some bloody dates, mark us with the print of the pain, of the sorrow, of the nostalgia… me, I will keep believing , because I am pretty sure that moments full of peace, happiness or love still will come for sure, those moments, where we can be able to feel a bit more human no matter what are we could do; but , for all of this I guess we need to head towards these tracks that will bring us to those places that we really desire “inside” us selves.
Today’s if you don’t mind I will add to this chronicle a paragraph of Facundo’s Cabral.
Do only the things that you really like, do it, and you’ll be happy, the ones, that does it, it’s condemned to the success, a success that I’ll arrive when it has to arrive, because what it should be it will, and it will arrive naturally, stop doing things for obligation, compromise or just you feel guilty, do it because of love.
Just then you’ll find the plenitude and all will be possible, it will because you do it with the natural effort of life.
Hell!! How much I’d love to write simply like him but… as usual my bad written words are just spited from the deepest part of my heart.
And while I am seeing life passing through, I can see all those “lost battles” that help me to realize that even if I have lost, I also learned too.
But, what about love? This kind word with vast number of meanings?
Well, some, maybe they will never find it, for others it’s just passing through… but for me, any kind of love it’s an ephemerid twinkle that has given a big sense to many of my life days, and just for this, I could say that I am lucky to have feel it in my flesh, inside me the flame of this twinkle.
I don’t won’t to see dates flying away; I don’t won’t to see the time plow failures while I am doing nothing , because we have to do something, because like in history everything happens to become an unceasing start again and again…me I will be there, waiting to be a better person a bit more every day.
Today’s I have watched this pendulum how it was turning at the direction that our inside energy decides, I watched it asking me, is all this journey that I have been passing through in my life it was just for learning actually? Meanwhile the pendulum kept turning…
After all I have realized that my life it’s like set out for a travel without a book or stars that could guide me, it’s if in the suitcases of our hearts we don’t bring lots of love to give or receive… because even if sometimes this world looks like everything is “Sucks or Grey” I can tell you for sure that there’s still lots of people worth to love or being loved.
I know that I won’t change anything; I know that I maybe haven’t changed so much with my actions, but I am not going to complain or trying to find the guilty ones, because I know that my life it’s the life that I made it, I will accept the responsibility of “building” myself and giving all that I am feeling, I will find the bravery of accepting any failure, I will blame myself and I will start again with the learned lesson , I will not find excuses like I wasn’t mature at all, I will all of this because I am sure, that we all can start everything over and over again, this is why I will not allow anybody or anything make my feel that I should abandon and not doing what I really feel, I am my own cause, my own feeling, my own necessity… but I am also, my own guilty, this is why I will like to learn from the toughest ones, from those that dare and believe, the same ones that doesn’t accept any defeated even though knowing that they have lots to lose.
I will see me into the mirror of myself, trying to recognize the strength of the tenacity, the freedom, and all those destinies that anybody should or could built for me.
I’ll awake like every day, I will see those lovely mountains, I will awake full of wishes while I am breathing the morning fresh air or the light of these sunsets, meanwhile I will keep fighting…
I will not wait for the luck anymore, because I think it’s the pretext of the losers, and I am not feeling a looser at all, but full of energy instead.
Yes, the March 31,”stabed me a knife” but me today I keep believing in love, the love that I own to my life even if I know that I can’t decide anything but only my acts.
So, this is it, here I am, Halima’s it’s parked but with a huge smile on it, because it knows that I am where I want to be right now, and even if for me this “first world” it’s unfair and very unbalanced I would lie if I say that didn’t give love at all, love that I hope it will keep giving me till the day that my life gets to the end of its journey.
So, from now, I will go get “drunk” with my tears, I will try to find these lost stars that shine my obscurity .I will not stand still because if I am not moving I am sure that will never arrive, I will not need many things, but I know that I have to get lost to arrive to these places where I can start again.
Life, this short trip, that too often love and happiness travel incognito, and we only realize it when it’s are gone, let me give you an advice, never let it go because these darks days of this world it looks like that’s the only worth thing to have.
Anyway, today’s I have talked about love, why not? This is how I am feeling anyway, who cares? Bad written words, but spited from the deepest part of my heart, March 31 only a date like others.
ONLY THE FOOT OF THE TRAVELER KNOWS EXACTLY THE REAL WAY.
HEALTH AND GOOD JOURNEY, NANDO.